Removing Reluctant Children from Institutional Schools

Most parents, when thinking of moving to homeschooling from institutional schooling, consider the academic items.

I think most kids, when considering moving to homeschooling, think of the social items.

Don't forget to line-up social and emotional support for your child.

There are kids in our homeschool group that started participating in our activities before they had actually left school.  When my son experimented with institutional school for seven weeks, we tried to stay involved with our homeschool friends.  This was harder than expected because the homework that institutional school required was so time consuming.

I would think it would be easier for a child to leave the comfort of the known environment, if he already had friends that were homeschooling.  If there were some great homeschool activities planned during the day that he couldn't attend because institutional school conflicted with them, I would consider letting him miss school to try a couple.

When people join our homeschool group they receive the phone list of other members and a newsletter.  It is not required that one be a homeschooler to join.  On our phone lists the first name and year of birth of the kids.  I have found that it is easier to break into a group if I already have a couple of friends on the inside to introduce me to the others.  I would suggest joining a homeschool support group in your area and calling some parents with children of a similar age as your grandson, and setting up a meeting.

Our group has subgroups that would be less intimidating to break into then meeting the whole group at one time.

Much to my chagrin, my son, at age 6, preferred to play with me at homeschool parkdays.  We kept attending, but it wasn't until after he was in a homeschool play production with four other  homeschoolers, and he made friends, that he actually enjoyed parkday.  The group size and the common interests made all the difference.

Extra curricular activities:  One bonus of homeschooling is the extra time it allows children to follow their interests and talents.  Band was one of the reasons my son wanted to try institution school.  He hated the idea of leaving band, so I lined up a private tutor for an instrument he preferred to learn (the chanter).  He wasn't allowed to begin lessons until after he left the institutional school.  There is a private school in our area that allows homeschoolers to participate in their band class. 

Homeschool provides more options than institutional school, but it requires a much larger investment in time and effort on the part of the homeschooling family.  The effort to find or create the options and the increased commuting time that may be involved.

I think of homeschooling as private schooling.  Private schools have a whole marketing department to make their school look attractive to potential students.  Market your homeschool to your reluctant child.  That includes finding the things that would appeal to your child.

Remember, most students are reluctant when they are to move from elementary school to middle school, and from middle school to high school.  Even if they are looking forward to the change there is a certain amount of apprehension. 

Multiply that fear by the fact that the newly homeschooled child will no longer see their institutional-school friends everyday, and you can understand their hesitancy.

Trying to stay involved in some manner with those friends during the transition may be helpful.  It is difficult.  I remember how often I saw my good friends after I graduated from high school.  Without that daily contact friends drifted away, no matter the promises to stay in touch.

Depending on the age of the child, neighborhood sports leagues, and scouting groups, might be an avenue to keep those school contacts open.

       My son is very social, but he doesn't see his friends every week day like kids in school do.  We live in suburb where almost every family on the block is a two income household.  That means the kids leave before we are awake and spend their days in school and day care.  They return when their parents come home from work and they hardly have enough time to eat, do homework, and get ready for the next day.  We have lived on the same block since 1991 and don't know any of the kids.  The few we have gotten to know have moved away.  We are a one-car family and we live a good distance from town and all Eric's activities.  What I'm saying is that it is a lot of work to keep
the social aspect of my teens life in balance.  It gets harder as he gets older, too.  It can be done.  We have been doing it a long time, and it is still work.

        What I'm saying is, don't overlook the social aspect when you are researching your educational options.  Find those homeschool social groups.

        Let me preface this by saying that we love homeschooling, but it is not the right solution for every child or every family.

        As wonderful as I think homeschooling is, if Eric wanted to go to school tomorrow, I would let him.  At his age, it is as much his decision as it is mine.  I don't feel the same way towards my younger child.  Of course, I am still making the important decisions for her (she's two).

        I know that when I was your daughters age, if my parents had offered to let me homeschool, I would have said no.  Where I knew the good and bad of institutional school, homeschooling was an unknown quantity.

        Actually if they had asked me during 7th grade, I might have said yes.  Any time after that, and I would have said no.

        I had figured out the system and how to play their game.  I knew how to make the teachers happy with as little work possible.  I don't consider this lazy, just human nature.  For eighth and ninth grade, I was grouped with sixteen bright, creative, stimulating kids.  These kids made the classes fun even when the teachers didn't.

        By the time I arrived at high school, I was so busy and active that I never considered the facts that I could have moved faster on my own; or that some students, in different educational situations, were being more challenged or learning more than I.  Even if I had considered it, the "good stuff" still out weighed the bad.

        The two of you might try making lists of all the good and bad things about school and about homeschooling, then comparing lists.  Well that is where I would start anyway.

        I'm glad I included my son in the decision to homeschool.

        I try to make our life as stress free as possible.  I know I
would hate going to school and fighting for what my child needs, especially when I can provide it at home without having to fight with anyone.

        I know it is a hard decision to make, but whatever your decision is, it is reversible.

        I don't know what your personal reasons for feeling "bad" about pulling your daughter out of school are; but as long as you feel that way, you should give yourself some more time to feel good about your decision.  You're right to seek out more information.

        I hope everything turns out for the best.

Engela E. 
homeschoolkids@geocities.com